Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Dude! Use your phone for that!

The following is 100% true; however, names of people and places have been changed.

A while back when I was on the job hunt, I was asked to go on a ride-along interview.  In sales, a ride-along is when you basically shadow someone who is currently doing the job for which you are interviewing so that you can decide if you can "see yourself" doing the job every day.  It's also a chance for them to weed out the weirdos by spending an extended period of time with you.  Anywho, I agreed to go on this ride-along. 

My perspective territory was vacant, obviously, so another rep, Jared, set a few appointments in "my" territory, and flew down to run them.  On the ride-along day, I met him at our first appointment, and it went really well.  He was obviously very knowledgable about the products and services, and gave a good impression to both the client and me.

After that, we went to our second appointment.  Unlike at the first appointment where we used the client's computer to demonstrate the web-based product, this second client had a projector for Jared to plug into his computer.  Jared's screen was then projected onto a giant screen in this tiny room filled intimately with Jared, the client and me.

The demonstration was going well.  Jared had the website pulled up and was going through the features and benefits.  I was paying attention, taking some notes, la la, no biggie.  Then, my eyes wandered up to the top right corner of the screen where the Google search bar lives.

If you're on your computer right now, you'll see what I mean.  It's that blank bar that says "Google" in gray letters.  Only, it wasn't blank and it didn't say "Google."

Instead, in fairly large type, due to the fact that it was blown up on a projector screen, were the words: 

"South Dallas Gentlemen's Club"

It took a tick for my brain to catch up to my eyeballs, and then HOLY SHIT!  DOES THAT SAY WHAT I THINK IT SAYS?  YES!  YES IT DOES!?!

I immediately began to internally freak out and melt down.  Was I the only one to see this???  Did Jared see it?  Did the client see it?  Surely they did.  Right?  

But neither one of them were acting like they had.  The fact that Jared was calmly going through his presentation made me believe that he hadn't seen it.  If it were me, and something terrible like that were in the search bar, I would fake a coughing spasm and "accidentally" pull the plug out of the computer, or just slam the computer lid down and act like I didn't know why I had just done that.  Anything!

The client, a lovely man who I would later learn was originally from Armenia, was also acting like nothing was out of the ordinary.  He wasn't treating Jared any differently than he had at the start of the demo, and was actively engaged and asking questions.

Then, Jared turned to me.  "Stella, would you mind driving for a minute?  I just want to walk up here and make a few points."  "Uh, sure," I said.

So then, I took the mouse, as Jared stood up to point at things while the words "South Dallas Gentlemen's Club" loomed literally inches from his eyeballs.

Now that I was in control, what should I do?  If I casually tried to scroll over it to delete it, I would have to highlight it to do that and I would risk actually clicking on it causing Google to search.  Plus, they were looking at my mouse when Jared told me where to point, so there was no way they wouldn't watch me do the whole thing.  

I thought about faking the coughing fit, but that clearly was a bad idea because then I'd have to simultaneously find, highlight and delete, without clicking, while having a coughing fit.

When Jared took back over, I returned to my seat to stare and contemplate.  Every now and then I would look away and then look back, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming and that it was still there.  It was.  It was there the whole time.  For one hour.

This definitely changed my mind about Jared.  Not that I care if someone goes to a strip club.  Whatever, you're a grown ass man, do what you want on your own time, but seriously, you used your work computer to Google strip clubs?

Plus, he was only in town for one night.  So that meant he had to land, find a WiFi connection and search for strip clubs- that were conveniently located- so that he could go there, by himself, on a random Wednesday night, on a work trip.  It was a lot of effort, executed very poorly, to do something pretty creepy.

For the rest of the call, I tuned in and out thinking about what I should do when this was over.  Should I say something to him, should I say something to my prospective boss?   What would that accomplish though?  He'd probably get fired, or at least reprimanded, and in the course of the day I had decided that I did not want this job anyway, so what did I care?  No need in getting this perv canned and having that on my conscience.  

Also, if he's Googing Gentlemen's Clubs at work, no doubt there was other incriminating evidence that would sooner or later come to light.  Or maybe the Armenian would say something later.  Maybe he was too embarrassed to say anything during the call.  Either way, they could can him then. 

Was it the right choice?  The feminist choice?  I don't know, but it was the choice I chose, and it gave me relief.  Once I made it, the entire situation because hilarious and I couldn't wait to get out of there so that I could share this miracle with everyone I knew.

After the meeting was over, in the elevator he said "Well, too bad I have to catch a flight or I'd buy you a drink." 

In my head I thought, "At a strip club!" and busted out laughing.  Which was awkward because then I was just laughing at him.

"Oh, uh, sorry," I said.  "It's funny because, I don't drink." Which wasn't that funny, but was all I could come up with.  

Then the elevator opened and Jared the Creepo and I parted ways;  me with a greater appreciation for clearing Google search history and he with fewer dollar bills and probably a mild skin rash.






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