Brad's out of town. On the one hand this is good because I have not had to suffocate him with my pillow to stop his snoring. So, I'm sleeping better. On the other hand, falling asleep is much harder due to all the monsters and ghosts that have shown up since he left.
I'm still pretty sure that the upstairs guest bedroom is haunted despite having had a few house guests recently who did not feel any hauntingness. However, now it's not just the guest room; it's the whole house. Starting at about 10:00 PM.
Every night I tell myself that there is nothing to be afraid of in my house. To prove this, I force myself to walk into every room, even the haunted ones, and do a little spin around and check all the closets for Evil Beings. So far, none have appeared.
Pippy's husband asked me what I would do if I did find something in one of the rooms (I picture it being a Gollum looking creature, hunched in the middle of the floor licking its sharp little fingers...and then it would hiss at me).
This is exactly what I would do:
I would slam the door and immediately start saying a prayer out loud to scare it and let it know that I have Jesus in my heart. I would then run down the stairs and let the dogs out of their room (nothing haunting happens until the dogs go to bed), and the three of us would run out the front door and over to a neighbor's house.
Screw the cats, they're too hard to wrangle and Evil Beings would probably leave them alone any way. Especially Itsy because she's so mean.
Anyway, once at the neighbor's we'd call a priest or preacher or rabbi or whomever we could find at that hour- and also the police- and then they'd come to my house and get rid of the Being. I would then stay at a very nice hotel (because I deserve it after what I've been through) with the dogs (and cats if there was time) until Brad got home. Then we'd sell our house and move far, far away.
I know. That's crazy! I can't run- I'm way too pregnant! I'd have to waddle quickly.
Sigh.
I tell myself that when the baby comes I've got to stop this and be a real grown up. I can't be scared of things- I'm the MOM! The Mom isn't scared of anything, she's the one who tells the kid that there is no such thing as monsters (or Evil Beings, ghosts, vampires, weird gray mists that waft under doors, shadows of trees that turn into werewolves who lurk outside your bedroom window, etc.). None of those are real. Don't be afraid of them.
What I should be afraid of are murders, rapists and robbers. Those guys are real. They are people I should actually be protecting my child against. But I could just shoot them. The undead are unshootable.
Ugh! I've got to get it together, I know! There's not a lot of time left to be a crazy person who believes in these things. Maybe when the baby's born I'll just automatically stop this and be like a mother lion protecting her cub. Demons beware! Vampires, go away! Banshees be banished (and no, that was not just for alliteration, I am actually really afraid of banshees)! The lioness is on the prowl!
Or maybe Brad can just take fewer trips and I can drink wine to calm my nerves again.
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