I'm finding out that being a mom is going to be a lot like all the other things in life where people have varied opinions about everything and feel that because they have been through a similar experience (or not), they are entitled to judge and/or give you unsolicited advice (see the previous post "Are You Trying" for further illuminating examples).
I'm learning that because someone else had a kid, they are pretty much going to tell you something about you having a kid and how it will go for you.
Case in point, for some reason as my due date gets closer I have been asked many times by a lot of moms a variation of "So, you'll get an epidural, right?" Or, I'm just plain told "I assume you'll have an epidural." I don't know why this comes up so much or why people care, but it does and they do.
When I say "Well, we'll see how it goes, but I'm going to try for a natural birth," there is an immediate reaction. I've had everything from laughter (I'm not kidding, two people have laughed in my face), to "Oh, well good luck, you're going to need it."
Or just a pitying look that says "Oh you dumb, naive girl. Just wait, you don't know what you're talking about." So much judgement for a topic I didn't even bring up!
My second favorite mom-to-be/new mom topic is working out. Apparently, we are to have "no excuses" about working out when we're pregnant, and even fewer than no excuses about getting our bodies back after the baby. I recently stumbled upon a "No Excuses Pregnancy Workout" on Pinterest (I know, it's my fault for being on Pinterest) that included:
-Run or Walk 1/2 Mile
-12 Bicep Curls
-12 Dips
-12 Shoulder Presses
-12 Lateral Raises
-Run or Walk 1/2 mile
-20 Lunges (R/L = 1)
-20 Calf Raises
-20 Plie Squats
-30-40 Second Wall Sit
*Repeat 2 Times
The background picture is a pregnant woman kick boxing and not making any excuses. So fierce.
WHAT?!?!?!
Who is the person that made this up? Who are the people who do this? Maybe I could do this if I wasn't pregnant. Maybe. I don't go to CrossFit though, so I don't know my limits or how hard I can work EVERY DAY, NO EXCUSES!
I'm not saying that I'm a couch potato, and exercise is important during pregnancy, but holy cow, does it have to be such a beat down?
Look, if you're into working out and that's your thing, cool. Do all the stuff on that list. What really bothers me is the title.
Does "No Excuses" imply that if you can't do this- all of this- then you're somehow not good at being pregnant? Hello, you're pregnant, that's not an excuse, it's a reality. Maybe you can't do 20 Plie Squats three times because you're throwing up all the time...and no one knows what a Plie Squat is.
These are just two examples of the land mine of topics that other moms are apparently allowed to freely judge you over. Others include, but are not limited to:
-Breastfeeding vs. Formula
-Hospital vs. Home Birth vs. Birthing Center
-Doctor vs. Midwife
-Childcare (I had a well intentioned but completely unsolicited or necessary email from a friend begging me not to put my child in day care...ever)
-Baby wearing
-Clothe vs. Disposable diapers
I could go on.
I was talking to a friend the other night about this topic, ranting about why women feel they get to do this to other women. Specifically, other moms. Don't they know how hard this is? Didn't they just do this? And then, my wise friend said, "Stella, it's not about your choice, it's about the choice they already made. They want to feel like they made the right one, and if you're doing something different than them, maybe it makes them defensive."
So wise. So, so wise. I was going with "they're all a-holes," but I think that's my hormones talking.
I know I'm going to have to get over this as it is the tip of the iceberg. There will be lots more topics ahead ("When did you let your daughter have earrings/a Facebook account/a cell phone/shave her legs/go to the mall with her friends/date?", "What colleges did your kid get in to?"...)
I'm also going to have to remember not to be a judgey mom myself when someone tells me they put their two-year-old on an all vegan diet. I will try not to judge that...openly.
In short, I'm going to have to be kinder to other moms and at the same time get thicker skin and wear it like armor as I jump into the craziness of motherhood. In the end, it's not about them anyway, it's about my kid, our family and just trying to keep everyone alive and relatively happy.
I'll have to remember what another very wise mom friend told me recently: "Welcome to the Mommy Wars, little one. Do not engage the crazies."
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
A very close call
Fruit is pretty much the best. Especially while I've been pregnant, I've eaten fruit like I'm a Spider Monkey. It comes in phases; there were some weeks when I ate four or five grapefruits, then pounds of blueberries, then entire watermelons. Recently, it's been plums and peaches, and they've been glorious. Until a few days ago.
Before I tell you what happened though, first you have to know that both Brad and Pippy do not share my fruit enthusiasm. Pippy is very selective about the fruit she eats. She never, ever eats fruit by just biting into it; she'll only eat fruit that either she has cut herself or that she has actually seen someone else cut. I don't understand this, and she can't explain it, but that's how it is.
Brad grew up with strawberry Poptarts as a main fruit source in his young life. He doesn't really trust "food" that comes from "outside." Case in point, there was a pear tree that grew in his backyard when he was little. Not only did he and his brothers not recognize the fruit as edible, they used them as ammunition and hurled them as hard as they possibly could at each other.
I once asked him if they ever ate a single pear from that tree and he said "No, we just said 'Get out of here weird things from this tree!' and then chunked them over the fence." Perfect.
To this day he's suspicious of lots of food, saying that it all probably has bugs in it.
They are both clearly ridiculous. Or so I thought.
Two days ago I was happily munching on a plum. I didn't cut it up because that's silly. As I took a big bite Brad said, "Why are you eating that plum like an animal?"
As he said it, part of the pit broke away, and there, inside the pit WAS A BUG!
OMG, OMG, OMG THERE WAS A BUG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLUM AND IT WAS ALIVE!
AHHHHH!
I have never even heard of this! How could there be a bug inside a plum pit? Just living there? What does it drink? How does it live?
I'm not talking about a little bug either, it was almost as big as the whole pit. It was like a worm bug, and I'm pretty sure it had fangs:
Okay, so that looks more like a longhorn vampire bug, but I wasn't really studying it as I was trying not to eat it. Just know that it was terrifying.
Immediately, I spit the plum out and thrust it at Brad without saying a word. Then, I ran away and thought about not throwing up for a while.
When I recovered, I found Brad hard at work Googling the bug (because in a crisis, Brad will get to the bottom of things!). Apparently, it is a bug that lives in plums and eats the pit. So there you go.
Honestly, I didn't really want to know much more, other than it wasn't poisonous and I wasn't going to die, so I can't tell you much else about the Plum Bugs. Just...you know, watch out for them.
The whole experience has forced me to rethink my fruit philosophy. Are Pippy and Brad right? Should I cut up all my fruit from now on since apparently bugs in your fruit is a legitimate fear? I don't know. I just don't know what to believe anymore.
Which is why I've been sticking to ice cream for the last two days. Cherry Garcia. All the fruit, none of the bugs.
Before I tell you what happened though, first you have to know that both Brad and Pippy do not share my fruit enthusiasm. Pippy is very selective about the fruit she eats. She never, ever eats fruit by just biting into it; she'll only eat fruit that either she has cut herself or that she has actually seen someone else cut. I don't understand this, and she can't explain it, but that's how it is.
Brad grew up with strawberry Poptarts as a main fruit source in his young life. He doesn't really trust "food" that comes from "outside." Case in point, there was a pear tree that grew in his backyard when he was little. Not only did he and his brothers not recognize the fruit as edible, they used them as ammunition and hurled them as hard as they possibly could at each other.
I once asked him if they ever ate a single pear from that tree and he said "No, we just said 'Get out of here weird things from this tree!' and then chunked them over the fence." Perfect.
To this day he's suspicious of lots of food, saying that it all probably has bugs in it.
They are both clearly ridiculous. Or so I thought.
Two days ago I was happily munching on a plum. I didn't cut it up because that's silly. As I took a big bite Brad said, "Why are you eating that plum like an animal?"
As he said it, part of the pit broke away, and there, inside the pit WAS A BUG!
OMG, OMG, OMG THERE WAS A BUG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PLUM AND IT WAS ALIVE!
AHHHHH!
I have never even heard of this! How could there be a bug inside a plum pit? Just living there? What does it drink? How does it live?
I'm not talking about a little bug either, it was almost as big as the whole pit. It was like a worm bug, and I'm pretty sure it had fangs:
Okay, so that looks more like a longhorn vampire bug, but I wasn't really studying it as I was trying not to eat it. Just know that it was terrifying.
Immediately, I spit the plum out and thrust it at Brad without saying a word. Then, I ran away and thought about not throwing up for a while.
When I recovered, I found Brad hard at work Googling the bug (because in a crisis, Brad will get to the bottom of things!). Apparently, it is a bug that lives in plums and eats the pit. So there you go.
Honestly, I didn't really want to know much more, other than it wasn't poisonous and I wasn't going to die, so I can't tell you much else about the Plum Bugs. Just...you know, watch out for them.
The whole experience has forced me to rethink my fruit philosophy. Are Pippy and Brad right? Should I cut up all my fruit from now on since apparently bugs in your fruit is a legitimate fear? I don't know. I just don't know what to believe anymore.
Which is why I've been sticking to ice cream for the last two days. Cherry Garcia. All the fruit, none of the bugs.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Calling all writers!
So the Baby Ninja will be here very soon, and I'm thinking that I might not have time to blog for a while once that happens. OR I'll have really funny, delusional posts written at 2 AM on two hours of sleep. No one can predict how these things will work.
In the meantime, I'm enlisting YOUR help! If you'd like to make a contribution to the blog to help keep it going during the temporary baby preoccupation, I'd love to publish your posts.
Here are the only rules:
1. It can be a work of anything you want- story that happened to you, fictional short story, poem, witty observation on life, a picture you drew of your cat, it's up to you- but you must have created it and agree that I can post it on the blog (no copyright issues please, I just couldn't deal with that and an infant).
2. I will read everything prior to posting it, and may edit slightly for length or clarity.
3. I reserve the right not to post your submission for any reason without explanation. Sorry dudes.
4. This is just for fun, no one is making any money off of this thing (trust me), so if you submit, please do it because you like to write and you're helping a Ninja out not because you expect to get paid*. Sorry again.
If you're good with those rules, then bring it!
Just send your submission(s) to obviousninjablog@gmail.com You can send one post or 100, totes up to you. Also, please let me know how you'd like to be credited- with your real name or a pseudonym.
I'm taking submissions now and will create a little stockpile so that in the weeks ahead I can post them as needed. I'll try to sprinkle in a few posts of my own here and there, and I'll keep writing until the big event.
Okay, that's all for now! I expect at least five submissions because I know there are at least five of you out there per my Google blog analytics page. You know who you are, don't make me hunt you down.
Thanks and hooray you!!
*If, in the off chance BJ Novak ever comes through and I get my book deal, I will not include your posts in my best selling blog compilation. Maybe I'll mention you to Terry Gross in my "Fresh Air" interview though.
In the meantime, I'm enlisting YOUR help! If you'd like to make a contribution to the blog to help keep it going during the temporary baby preoccupation, I'd love to publish your posts.
Here are the only rules:
1. It can be a work of anything you want- story that happened to you, fictional short story, poem, witty observation on life, a picture you drew of your cat, it's up to you- but you must have created it and agree that I can post it on the blog (no copyright issues please, I just couldn't deal with that and an infant).
2. I will read everything prior to posting it, and may edit slightly for length or clarity.
3. I reserve the right not to post your submission for any reason without explanation. Sorry dudes.
4. This is just for fun, no one is making any money off of this thing (trust me), so if you submit, please do it because you like to write and you're helping a Ninja out not because you expect to get paid*. Sorry again.
If you're good with those rules, then bring it!
Just send your submission(s) to obviousninjablog@gmail.com You can send one post or 100, totes up to you. Also, please let me know how you'd like to be credited- with your real name or a pseudonym.
I'm taking submissions now and will create a little stockpile so that in the weeks ahead I can post them as needed. I'll try to sprinkle in a few posts of my own here and there, and I'll keep writing until the big event.
Okay, that's all for now! I expect at least five submissions because I know there are at least five of you out there per my Google blog analytics page. You know who you are, don't make me hunt you down.
Thanks and hooray you!!
*If, in the off chance BJ Novak ever comes through and I get my book deal, I will not include your posts in my best selling blog compilation. Maybe I'll mention you to Terry Gross in my "Fresh Air" interview though.
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