My roommate

We're having sleep issues.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that my bladder can't make it more than four hours at a stretch, so I am now constantly waking up in the middle of the night to waddle my way to the bathroom.  

Unfortunately for Brad, this is now his issue as well since when I come back, I'm PISSED that he's asleep and I'm not, and he's SNORING.

In all fairness, let me first say that Brad doesn't really snore.  It's more like heavy breathing with the occasional mini-snore.  I am very thankful that I did not marry a "real snorer" because, honestly, I don't think our marriage would have lasted very long. 

On the flip side, I have always had issues with sleep (falling asleep, staying asleep, spelling asleep which I used to spell a sleep).  So I take sleeping very seriously, and when I am awoken, it is as though an act of terrible injustice has been committed and I must avenge myself.  Long story short, I am a bad person and Brad is annoying. 

This "issue" has always been solved a by a very elaborate nightly routine involving a fan, my cell phone set to white noise with the volume all the way up, two ear plugs and a sleep mask (for the light, obviously, not the sound.  Light is just as annoying as sound).  I would then race Brad to see who could fall asleep the fastest, going so far as to ask him to actively keep himself awake a little longer so I could have a head start.

Most of the time this worked, unless I woke up.  Then it was just a matter of kindly and gently nudging Brad on the shoulder and asking him to please stop snoring and turn over.  

Usually that worked and then I just went back to sleep.  However, now that this is happening several times a night, I'm not as easily falling back to sleep and Brad is saying things like "You are the meanest person I know." and "You make my life miserable."  Clearly there had to be another solution, and its name was guest bedroom.

I had pulled this trick before, in the most desperate of times.  Only now, we've moved the guest bedroom. What was the guest bedroom is now the baby room, and what was the "workout room" (read room with an elliptical in it but mostly just all our other random junk) is now the guest bedroom.

It's a lovely room, it really is.  We had it repainted, moved all the guest furniture in there, hung pictures. It's lovely.  But it's scary.

If you're ever going to sleep at my house, just stop reading now because I don't want to taint the guest bedroom for you....and since there are about eight of you who read this thing and I know all of you, that should be pretty much everyone who reads this blog.

To the one person left whom I don't know, I feel like that room is maybe haunted.  I don't know why.  Our house was built in 2000, is not over an Indian burial site (that I know of), and has never ever felt haunted in any other way, but that guest room just creeps me out.

The first night I went up there, for some reason I couldn't stop thinking about that terrible movie "Paranormal Activity." It's the one where it's all "video" footage in a normal looking house with a cute couple, and then at night there's this demon being that comes into the bedroom and posses the lady.  That house looked normal, just like ours, and there was clearly a haunting for no good reason.  

Maybe the haunting is explained later or in a sequel, but I don't remember so I assume it was because they had a bad home builder or didn't pay their HOA fees.

Anyway, then, the next time I went up there, I swear I heard someone knock on the bedroom door.  I thought it must be one of the cats so I went to open it...and no one was there.  

That night I made a choice between haunting and snoring, and snoring won.

I'm sure there is nothing haunting that room.  It didn't feel haunted when it was the workout room (although to be fair, I rarely workout so I wasn't in there that much).  To convince myself, I have now gone into that room in the day and said things like "There is nothing in here."  "This is not a haunted room."  "This is a great room!"  "Go away haunting!"  But then I run away.

I think it's fine, really, but I have now explained to Brad that I am scared of that room and he has to go up there to sleep.  Since he won't get up in the middle of the night to go, we now part ways at bedtime saying "Good night, roommate!"  "Good night, roommate!", and I go to sleep in our normal, non-haunted bedroom and Brad takes his chances upstairs.

So far, he has not been possessed, and we are both sleeping much better.  I do worry that this is not good for our marriage, but I don't care right now.  Between snoring, haunting and sleeping, sleeping wins every single time.