What is...the most interesting thing I could come up with, Alex.

Along with my new mom hobbies of taking a shower, walking to the mailbox, eating while standing up and pumping, I have now become quite the avid fan of Jeopardy!.  It's on right around the time we have our afternoon feeding.  I'm super lucky because there are two episodes that run back-to-back; one at 4:00 and one at 4:30.

The one at 4:00 is called "Daytime Jeopardy!," and the 4:30 one is just regular Jeopardy!.  I don't really understand the distinction as they are both Jeopardy and both very much during the day.  The first one is a rerun (I know this because Alex is mustachioed, and in real time he is sans mustache), but I feel that "Daytime Jeopardy!" is a confusing way to tell viewers they're watching an old episode as it conveys no information regarding the recency of the episode.  But, I digress.

I like watching Jeopardy! because it makes me feel like I'm learning something while I'm feeding the Baby Ninja and not just mindlessly watching home improvement shows or the Food Network.  Even though I only know about 30% of the answers (unless it's Kids' Jeopardy, at which I rule), Jeopardy! still makes me feel like I've made a good, adult TV choice.

I've also learned a lot about the show itself.  For example, the voice of Jeopardy! is Johnny Gilbert.  If you've never seen Johnny Gilbert, you really should- he is a fabulously preserved human: The Official Johnny Gilbert Website  

I've also learned, and I love this rule, "Contestants must wait until the host finishes reading the clue before signaling; doing so before this point locks the contestant out for one-fourth of a second."  I just LOVE that!  It really speaks to the self-control the contestants must exhibit.

There is one thing about Jeopardy! that I do not love, and that is the portion of the show right after the first commercial break where you "get to know" the contestants.  It's terrible.  

No one EVER has a good getting to know thing.  It's always something really, really dumb.  Here is a real example, and please know that I could not make this up:

Alex:  And playing today is Shannon, who tells us she has something in common with Anne Boleyn.  She once slept in the Tower of London!

Shannon:  Yes, Alex, last year I visited London with my mom, and we toured the Tower of London.  Well, I was so jet lagged, that I fell asleep on her shoulder on a bench in the Tower!  Hahahaha!

WHAT?!  No.  Just, no.

Worse than the really dumb stories are the really dumb stories that take forever and are not funny...at all.

Alex:  And today we have John, who tells us he had an interesting time on a plane once.

John:  Yes, well once I was flying to China with five of my friends, and I’m really nervous when I fly because one time when I was seven I had a bad experience on a plane.  So um, I took some sleeping medication to help me on account of me being so nervous.  So, the flight was like 18 hours, so um, I took the medication, and when I woke up I looked out the window and saw the moon, and I said to my friends “The moon is so bright!” and they all laughed because it was actually the sun!

That was real.  I'm not kidding, that was a real thing that someone thought was the most interesting thing to say about themselves on TV.  Even Alex was uncomfortable.  Usually he makes some remark after the story, because he's a nice man, but after that one he just said "Okay!" and moved on.

Because of these nightmare scenarios, I've thought long and hard about what I would say if ever I were on Jeopardy.  The sad thing is, I really don't know how much better I'd do.  If you take job and family off the table (and no one ever really talks about their job or family for some reason), it's kind of hard to think of something else that is amusing and can be told in 20 seconds.  

"I have two cats and two dogs." "I garden...sometimes.  Mostly I just kill plants."  "I can change a poopy diaper without getting poop on the baby's clothes most of the time!"  At this point, I'd probably end up talking about breastfeeding.

Which actually...when you think about it, I'm keeping another human being alive with my body!  I mean, that's pretty nuts.  I grew a human in my body, and now I'm keeping it alive with my boobs.  

So, maybe that's what I'd say after all.  "Yes, Alex, I have the ability to feed another human with my boobs."

I be ol' Johnny Gilbert would get a kick out of that!